Guardian of Legend

Title: I'll Take the Rain
Written by: Auron (me)
Disclaimer: All characters and locations are property of square, sucks don't it
Warnings: violence, spoilers, graphic yaoi, rape, death, and some pretty heavy themes; you have been warned
Summary: A fic that focuses mostly on Xigbar and the emptiness of having no heart. Is there anything that can fill that void and will he ever find what he lost? Xigbar/Demyx, Xigbar/Xemnas, Saix x Xigbar. Chapter 4 conatins graphic yaoi and rape. The titles are all taken from songs that I thought fit the mood/events of each chapter

I'll Take the Rain
Part 1: All You Wanted

The world that never was, or rather the world that shouldn’t have been. A tall man with long graying hair sat silently on the sill of the large window, body leaning against the glass, his one good eye focused on the dark sky. His long black robe hung open, laying losing on his shoulders revealing the battered and scarred body of the warrior beneath.

Xigbar had always been a fighter, a man who threw himself into battle with thinking of the consequences; and the marks on his body showed it. Who knew why, maybe he just wanted to remember…or maybe to forget. Whatever the reasons, he kept those thoughts to himself, hiding them behind his stoic expression.

He sat there for an untold amount of time, having lost all track until his silent contemplation was broken by the sound of approaching footsteps followed immediately by an excited voice.

“Xigbar! You’re back!”

The man turned to see a young blonde wearing a robe identical to his own and a big goofy grin. This was the one person who could bring a smile to the older one’s face.

“Demyx.”

Xigbar barely had time to get out the single word of greeting before the younger man bounded over to him and threw his arms around his neck.

“I missed you! How was your mission? Did it go okay? Wait a minute, you’re hurt…”

Demyx expression fell as his eyes met the dressing wrapped around the older’s abdomen concealing the deep gash beneath. Xigbar simply smiled as he reached out one hand to ruffle the other’s hair.

“It’s nothing, I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

Xigbar nodded; in a few days it would be just another scar, and he could certainly handle the pain. Demyx however wasn’t convinced and he just stared for several moments before finally accepting the words. Xigbar didn’t seem to be bothered by it, so he must have been okay, right?

Satisfied for now, Demyx settled onto the sill next to his friend the smile returning to his face.

“What’re you doing?”

”Hmmm? Just sitting here…trying to remember.”

”Remember what?”

“What it was like…to be human.”

Xigbar’s expression fell, a look of sorrow in his eye as he turned to look out the window once more. The younger man watched him for a moment before shifting, laying against the older man’s chest, head resting on his shoulder.

“I’ll help you remember.”

Turning his head, Xigbar smiled down at the young man, the sorrow in his eye replaced with a look of contentment.

“Yeah.”

Xigbar wrapped his arms around Demyx, holding him close. He may have had no heart, but Demyx did help him to remember how it had felt to have one. In the cold emptiness of his being, Xigbar felt a trace of warmth, a trace of happiness.

He truly cared for the young man in his arms, deeply and pure. He wanted to take care of him and keep him safe, to stay like this forever. Perhaps Demyx had managed to fill a void in his existence. Either way Xigbar was glad to have found him, to bring him into the organization. To him Demyx was his student, his best friend, but it went further than that. Yes to Xigbar, the young man was his family and he loved him as a brother…no, as his son.

---to be continued---

I'll Take the Rain
Part 2: Won't Back Down

Who knew how long Xigbar and Demyx had been sitting together at the window, but it was long enough for the younger to fall asleep. Sitting in silence, holding his friend, Xigbar had begun to doze off as well. That is until a sharp and cold voice pierced his ears, suddenly startling him back to consciousness.

“Xigbar! The superior wants to see you.”

Lifting his head, Xigbar turned to see a man with long blue hair staring at him with a cold expression. Saix… Great, Xigbar had know this was coming, taking a mission you weren’t supposed to was sure to earn the superior’s wrath, but why did it have to be Saix.

“Right.”

The sound of Saix’ voice had also stirred Demyx and he turned to look up at the older man.

”You have to go? But what if he gives you another mission, you just got back.”

Demyx look up with a sad almost pleading expression, he didn’t want Xigbar to leave again. The older man put a hand on his shoulder and gave him a reassuring smile.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be back soon. And if I do get another mission I’ll come see you before I leave.”

”You promise?”

”Yeah.”

“Okay.”

No, Xigbar wasn’t going on another mission. But he couldn’t very well tell his young friend ‘I took your last mission because I thought it was too dangerous so now I’m just going to get my ass kicked by the superior.’ Demyx didn’t need to know that.

At the door, Saix was growing impatient; Xigbar had stalled long enough.

“The superior is waiting.”

“Yeah, I’m coming.”

Giving one last look to his young friend, he pried himself free from his grasp and standing walked toward the door, following Saix into the hallway.

Letting out a low growl, eye narrowed, Xigbar glared at Saix. As if it wasn’t bad enough that he was about to be punished by the superior, but he was being led there at the hands of Saix.

“I’m sure you’re enjoying this.”

”You have no idea.”

Saix smirked, oh yes he was enjoying this, immensely. The pair had always had an intense hatred of one another, each beating the other down in turn, fighting over who truly held the higher rank. But more than that, they grated on each other’s nerves, even without the struggle over rank they would have hated and despised each other.

After far too long of a walk through the halls of the castle, they at last reached the room where Xemnas waited. Steeling himself for what waiting, Xigbar stepped into the room with Saix following behind.

“So you’ve disobeyed me.”

“If you wanna call it that.”

Xigbar starred into the cold yellow eyes of the superior unflinching. Yes, he had disobeyed, but it didn’t matter, given the chance he would have done the same thing over again. Xemnas could do as he wished, at least Demyx was safe.

Saix did not care for Xigbar’s words, or maybe he just wanted to flaunt that he wasn’t the one in trouble. In either case, he took him upon himself to reward Xigbar with a swift elbow to the gut.

Gasping sharply as pain shot through his body, Xigbar doubled over and fell to one knee. With a snarl he whirled around, turning to glare at Saix, weapon drawn.

“I don’t answer to you!”

Saix leveled a glare at the scarred man, his own weapon drawn as he fell into an attack stance. They would have sprung, attacking each other in a flurry of battle had it not been for the imposing presence of the superior.

“Enough!”

The voice of the superior shot through both men and they instantly snapped back to their senses and dismissed their weapons, eyes falling on the superior as he approached.

“Leave us.”

Saix bowed, and shooting one last glace at the older man, turned on his heel and walked from the room, leaving Xemnas and Xigbar alone.

As Xemnas turned, Xigbar felt those cold yellow eyes focused fully on him. Placing one hand on the floor to steady himself, he attempted to stand. But before he could reach his feet, a forceful kick to the abdomen sent him reeling, sprawling across the floor as a sharp pain pierced his body.

“You like pain do you not? Perhaps it’s time I give you some.”

”I can do without it, thanks.”

Xigbar was now on his hands and knees, panting and gasping for breath, a tinge of red on the dressing over his latest injury. With as many battles as he had fought, Xigbar was no stranger to pain; he could handle it just fine. But he wasn’t so sure he wanted to subscribe to the superior’s brand of pain.

Another kick, and Xigbar was sprawled across the floor again, his teeth clenched against the pain, clutching at the reopened wound across his gut. Again he struggled to reach his feet, but the superior was already on him again.

“You disappoint me, Xigbar.”

Xigbar had no time to respond or prepare himself before the superior landed yet another sharp kick in his gut that sent him reeling across the floor yet again. He couldn’t breath, could barely see, all he could feel was pain and the flow of blood that seeped through the dressing to drip on the floor.

“Tell me why, Xigbar.”

“I thought…it was too dangerous for him…”

“That is not your choice to make.”

The superior punctuated his sentence with yet another kick, this time sending the scarred man sprawling onto his back.

Xigbar couldn’t escape, he couldn’t move. The pain that shot through him was too great, and he lay still, gasping for breath, his words barely audible.

“I just didn’t want him to get hurt.”

There was silence for a moment, and for a brief instant Xigbar thought it might have been over, but the heavy boot now pressed to his shoulder told him otherwise.

“I see.”

The boot lifted, and the scarred man whispered a silent prayer that Xemnas was done with him, but no such luck. A moment later, Xemnas slammed his foot into the man’s shoulder with enough force that his collarbone snapped instantly.

Until now, Xigbar had been silent, stoically taking each blow. But at this final strike, he could not contain the muffled scream that wrenched it’s way through his clenched teeth, nor could he hold back the silent tears that formed in his eye.

Satisfied that he had broken him, Xemnas turned away from the battered man and walked toward the door. He was talking to someone…please don’t let it be Saix. But the man that stepped into the room had long braided hair, Xaldin.

“Get him out of here, and see to those injuries.”

Xaldin folded his hands and bowed to the superior before stepping over to where Xigbar lay, barely conscious in a steadily growing pool of his own blood. Looking him over for a moment, Xaldin debated how best to move him without making things worse. Finally he took Xigbar’s good arm taking it over his own shoulder as he hoisted the injured man to his feet, the other arm wrapped around his waist to support his weight.

Xigbar didn’t protest, he was too weak to argue even if he’d wanted to. His full weight leaning on Xaldin he staggered from the room and down the hall with him, grateful for the support.

“That was stupid.”

As always, Xaldin’s words were few and to the point.

“Yeah...I know.”

“Stupid…but honorable.”

---to be continued---

I'll Take the Rain
Part 3: Gone Away

He woke with a start, shaken from his sleep by some unspeakable nightmare. Ugg…what time was it? Still somewhat groggy, the scared man sat up, wincing at the jolt of pain that shot through him as he moved. The potion Xaldin had given him the night before had helped some, at least he could move now.

Glancing over to the bedside table, he saw another potion, some other purple liquid he vaguely recognized, and what looked like a bowl of soup, Xaldin must have been there only a few minutes before.

Xigbar turned away, tch…he wasn’t hungry, nor was he just going to sit around here all day, which apparently was expected. Reaching for his robe, he slipped the black cloth over one arm, but being unable to move his other arm, he simply let the fabric fall over his shoulder.

He sat still for a moment, simply staring at his boots as if gathering the willpower to put them on. But a sudden though quickly startled him back to his senses. Demyx! He had to find him before Saix got to him and sent him off on a mission…or worse. Hastily pulling on his boots, he pulled himself to his feet and darted for the door.

By the time he neared the common room and the sound of voices, Xigbar was finding his steps more difficult, his good arm outstretched against the wall to support himself.

“…your mission, and this time Xigbar can’t do it for you.”

Oh no, Saix had already gotten to him. Xigbar hastened his step, desperate to stop the conversation before Saix could tell the young man all that had happened.

“What do you mean?”

”Didn’t you know, he took your last mission.”

”Why?”

Panting for breath and leaning hard against the doorframe, the scarred man broke into the room with a snarl.

“Saix! Shut up! Demyx, don’t listen to him.”

A wicked smirk crossed Saix’s face, oh this was just too good.

“Because he didn’t think you could handle it.”

‘Shut up, Saix, or I’ll—“

“Or you’ll what? You can barely even stand.”

”I can still take you down.”

With more strength than Saix had thought possible, Xigbar pushed off the doorframe and sprang into the room, weapon leveled at the blue-haired man before him.

“Fine, bring it on.”

“Saix! Leave them alone.”

The cold echoing voice from the doorway stopped Saix dead in his tracks and he quickly straightened at the words of the superior.

“As you wish superior, I apologize.”

Shooting one last menacing glare at Xigbar and Demyx, Saix turned on his heal and stormed from the room.

Xigbar didn’t look at Saix or the superior, his attention now focused on simply staying on his feet. But his last outburst had drained his strength and he staggered nearly falling to the floor. Fortunately, or unfortunately as the case may be, Demyx noticed this and quickly moved to catch his friend before he could fall.

“Are you alright?”

There was a look of worry and concern in the young man’s eyes, even fear. What had happened to his friend? He hadn’t been like this last night, he was sure of that.

“Yeah, I’m fine, I’m just tired.”

Xigbar smiled reassuringly at Demyx as he helped into one of the large chairs, wincing slightly at the jolt of pain that shot through him. But Demyx knew better, he could see that something was wrong, and was that…blood?

”No you’re not, you’re hurt.”

Demyx looked from Xigbar to Xemnas, then back again, tears forming at the corners of his eyes. He was afraid for his friend, he couldn’t leave him like this, he just couldn’t. His mission could wait couldn’t it? He looked at the superior, pleading with him.

“I’ll be fine kid, don’t worry about me.”

”But I can’t leave you like this, what if something happens while I’m gone?”

”I’ll be here when you get back, I just need a few days rest is all.”

Demyx wasn’t buying it, and he whined in protest. But he didn’t have much of a choice did he, he couldn’t refuse his orders, he’d get in trouble if he did and then he’d be letting down Xigbar, he couldn’t do that either. He sighed, resigned.

“Alright…”

”Don’t worry kid, you’ll do fine.”

”You really think so?”

”Yeah.”

Demyx nodded, a slight smile crossing his face.

“I’ll make you proud.”

”I know you will.”

Throwing his arms around the older man’s neck, Demyx hugged his friend before scampering toward the door. He still wasn’t happy about leaving Xigbar here hurt as badly as he was, but he was happy that the older man believed in him. He wouldn’t disappoint his friend, he swore it as he rush past the superior and down the hall.

Xigbar smiled after his young friend until he had vanished and his footsteps could no longer be heard in the hall. Left alone in the room with only Xemnas once again, Xigbar busied his eye with reading a book someone had left on the nearby table. He didn’t care what it was so long as it kept him from having to look at the superior.

“Xaldin said you didn’t eat this morning.”

”I wasn’t hungry.”

The scarred man shifted in his chair, turning his body away from the superior, his gaze buried deeper into the book, hoping and praying that Xemnas would get the hint and leave him alone.

Xemnas simply watched him for a moment, his eyes narrowed. He didn’t like being ignored, but he could hardly blame Xigbar for wanting to avoid him right now. Finally deciding that it was best to leave him for now, Xemnas turned around and stepped through the door, his final words spoken over his shoulder.

“Try to stay away from Saix for a while.”

”Yeah…sure…tch.”

His gaze focused intently on the book, though not really reading the words, until the footsteps of the superior faded and he was at last alone in the room.

---to be continued---

I'll Take the Rain
Part 4: I Hate Everything About You

A resounding crash echoed through the room, a book falling to the table with a heavy thud, a low growl rising from the man who had thrown it there. Xigbar had had enough, and injured or not he wasn’t sitting around any longer. Placing his good hand on the arm of the chair, he pushed himself to his feet, taking a moment to steady himself before striding for the door.

Upon reaching the door, the scarred man met with an obstacle, a hand placed against his chest blocking his movements. With a snarl, Xigbar glared at the man who stood in his path, yellow eye fill with hatred and rage.

“Get out of the way, Saix, I’m not in the mood to deal with you.”

The man did not budge, nor did the hand move.

“I don’t recall giving you a choice.”

Xigbar growled, his arm raised to knock the hand away, he was going through that door and no one, especially not Saix, was going to stop him.

“Get out of my way.”

But in his current state, Xigbar was no match for the other man. Within moments he was overpowered, his back slammed against the floor, pinned by a forearm pressed to his throat and a knee against his abdomen. So, that’s how it was, but Xigbar wasn’t going down without a fight. A low growl echoing in his chest, fire burning in his eyes, Xigbar lashed out, drawing his knee up to slam it hard into the other man’s gut.

A sharp gasp told the scarred man that his strike had hit its mark, but it wasn’t enough, the only reward for his effort a sharp blow the abdomen that took his breath as a shockwave of pain surged through his body. Gasping for breath, he glared up at the man above him, his voice a whispered growl.

“I hate you…”

“I know.”

Saix smirked maliciously, his gaze focused on the helpless form beneath him as his hand worked at the dressing around the other’s waist, tearing it free to reveal the bruised and broken flesh beneath. He ran his hand along the unhealed gash, delighting in the shudders of pain he elicited before shoving his knuckles into the wound, tearing through barely knitted flesh and muscle.

An ear-piercing scream echoed through the room, wrenched from the scarred man’s chest, his body shaken by unbearable pain, silent tears falling to mix with the red warmth that flowed from the reopened wound.

Saix hovered over the man, a sadistic look in his eyes as he lifted his hand to his mouth to lick the blood from his fingers his other hand entwined in the long graying hair as his pressed himself against the other. For now Xigbar was his to use as he pleased, and he would take him, break him, and mark him as his own.

“Don’t bother fighting, I know you want this.”

Xigbar snarled, making one last attempt to free himself before he was forced to submit and lie helplessly beneath the other. But Saix was right, he did want this, needed it, burned with it. Even as he burned with rage and hatred, his body overpowered his mind filling him with an intense passion and desire. It was the same as every time before, with every time Saix took him, and every time he took Saix in return; they danced in a never-ending cycle of vicious hatred and passion.

Clothing discarded, Saix pressed his bare form against the other, their bodies meeting in a delicious dance of heat and friction. One hand resting on the floor, the other grasping a handful of long hair, he leaned closer, his voice a hiss in the other’s ear.

“You belong to me.”

Allowing no time for a response, Saix snatched the man’s head back by the hair in his grasp, forcing him to arch his back against the cold floor. In the same moment his hips surged forward, a driving powerful thrust burying himself deep inside until their bodies slammed together.

Xigbar’s body shook, his head falling against the floor, a muffled scream escaping through clenched teeth. Burning pain shot through his body, filled him, consumed him, and threatened to tear him apart. Silently he pleaded for it to end, desperate to escape, but he was powerless to resist, helpless under the weight of the stronger man.

A low feral growl rose in Saix’s chest, his expression cold an inhuman as he ravaged the man beneath him. Xigbar was so sweet, so tight, hot and intoxicating. The way his body shuddered with every thrust, the anguished tears that rolled down his cheek, and the silent screams that died in that proud chest; the normally strong and stoic figure reduced to nothing by a toy to use for his own desires.

Slowly the scarred man’s cries of anguish fell silent, giving way to low groans, his mind giving in to the body’s base desires. Waves of intense pleasure mingled with burning pain crashed over him, surrounding him, drowning him. His spirit broken, animalistic desires took over and he pushed back, desperate for his own release.

Saix’s expression was cruel as he looked down on his captive, gazing into that lone yellow eye that must surely be hiding thoughts of revenge even as he was breaking, pleading to be taken. He knew exactly what Xigbar wanted, but Saix was a cruel master, he would make him beg for it. Oh how he reveled in the tormented cries of the man beneath him.

“Please…”

Flashing a predatory smile, Saix closed his hand around the other’s shaft, barely touching the sensitive skin, nearly laughing as the man strained at his touch.

“Tell me what you want.”

Xigbar tried to growl, but it just came out a whine. He hated Saix, hated what was happening, hated himself for surrendering, hated this whole cycle of beating down and taking each other in turn. But despite the hatred, there was something that kept drawing them back, a need that only the other could fill no matter how twisted it was.

“Tell me, Xigbar!”

“I want…”

“You want what?”

“I want you…”

”You want me to what? You want me to take you, ravage you, fuck you until you have nothing left?”

Xigbar growled at the words, his head turned away, he could only answer with a nod.

Leaning over him with a threatening snarl, Saix jerked the man’s head back with his hair, forcing him to look at him again. No, he wasn’t getting off that easily.

“Say it, Xigbar, is that what you want? Tell me!”

“Yes! That’s what I want!”

“Good boy.”

I hate you.

Xigbar’s submission was instantly rewarded as Saix grasped his shaft, roughly stroking along its length in time with his thrusts. Saix was far from gentle, cruelly raping the man beneath him, giving him exactly what he had asked for.

Completely lost to primitive desires and the despair, Xigbar bent under the weight of the other man, his body arching into every thrust, hands grasping at whatever he could reach desperate to hold onto something, to stay afloat in the raging torrent that consumed him.

The shuddering, writhing form beneath him told Saix that the other man was close and he grinned in twisted satisfaction. But no, not yet, he and only he would decide when the other was allowed to climax.

Saix fell still, reveling in the tortured whines of protest that met his ears as he sat back, nearly detaching himself from the other man. Blue eyes raked over the man’s body, taking one last moment to look over the broken form. Finally, unable to contain his own desires, Saix leaned over Xigbar, harshly biting his neck as he thrust inside again, his hand resuming its strokes along the other’s shaft.

That last touch was all it took, and Xigbar found himself tumbling over the edge. His head fell back, mouth hanging open in a sharp gasping moan, his body tensed, shuddering at every wave that rolled through him.

Saix wasn’t far behind, the silent screams, the tightening heat that surrounded him, it pushed him over the edge, and with a final thrust he reached his own climax, filling the body beneath him with his seed.

Joined together in that moment all the pain, sorrow, hatred, and rage melted away and for an instant there was a feeling of completeness as if they belonged here. Perhaps it was that sense that kept them both coming back, despite the hatred and contempt they felt for each other, there was a genuine need they held for each other.

As it always was the moment was all too brief, fading away to leave them as cold and empty as before with nothing but tattered memories to cling to.

In what could have almost been seen as a gesture of kindness, Saix rested his head in the crook of the other’s neck, his hand gently tracing the scar on his cheek.

“Don’t you dare die before me.”

”Tch…I’ll think about it.”

---to be continued---

I'll Take the Rain
Part 5: Sound the Bugle

The man stood in silence, staring out the window at the dark sky above, now lit by the brilliant glow of kingdom hearts. Physical injuries long sense healed, he simply stared out the window, waiting. Would they really find what they sought there?

The sound of footsteps broke through his thoughts, and he quickly turned toward the door. But the one his lone eye fell on, was not the one he hoped to see, the one he had been waiting for. Instead of the young cheerful blonde, there stood the berserker…Saix.

Xigbar’s eye narrowed in a glare, his voice a growl.

“What do you want?”

“I thought you might want this.”

As he finished speaking, Saix threw a black cloth at the other man who’s expression instantly fell upon catching it. This…this was Demyx’s, why did Saix have this? Realization hitting him, Xigbar snarled, a threatening glare focused on the berserker.

“What…what did you do to him?!”

“I didn’t do anything to your precious—“

“You sent him on that mission, this is your fault!”

Blinded by rage, Xigbar drew his weapon, charging the berserk with every intention of destroying him for what he had done. And he might have succeeded, had he not been thrown back by the man who suddenly appeared between them.

“Enough! Now is not the time to be fighting amongst ourselves.”

Xigbar’s gaze leveled on the superior and for a moment he thought of going through him, but the sudden commotion echoing from the lower parts of the castle snapped him back to his senses.

“Right, I guess it’s my turn isn’t it.”

Straightening himself, he tossed the robe of his fallen friend over the back of a chair before making his way to the door, making sure to strike Saix’s shoulder with his own as he walked past.

“Xigbar…”

He paused for a moment as the berserker spoke.

“What?”

”Come back alive.”

”Yeah…sure, I’ll be back to kick your ass.”

And with those final words he was gone.

----------------------

So this is what it feels like to die… Heh…I’m disappointed…

---end---