Guardian of Legend

Title: Troubled Waters
Written by: Auron (me)
Disclaimer: All characters and locations are property of square
Warnings: Shonen-ai (Braska x Auron), language, violence, angst, FF X spoilers, and some heavy themes
Summary: Technically a sequel to Plotted Passion and A comforting Embrace, though it is not necessary to read the first two to understand the third. It's during the pilgrimage and Auron and Braska have a fight. Jecht proves himself a complete and total idiot.

Troubled Waters

“My lord, I don’t want you to do this.”

“Auron, we have been through this.”

They had had this same argument every night since they began the pilgrimage. Auron tried desperately to get Braska to turn back and Braska flatly refused. It usually ended with Auron in tears and Braska holding him.

“Why?”

“Auron, please don’t make me answer that again.”

“I…I don’t want you to die!”

“Auron, you’re not making this any easier. You know I have to do this.”

“No you don’t!”

“I cannot just sit by while so many people suffer, it is worth the price.”

“Not to me! I don’t want you to leave me; I need you.”

“Damn it, Auron, stop being so selfish! You’re being a child! When will you ever grow up?”

That was it; Auron was in tears.

“Damn it, Auron, don’t start that.”

Braska’s words only served to intensify Auron’s sobs and his chest was now heaving violently with the force of his tears. This time Braska turned away from him.

“I can’t watch you like this tonight, Auron.”

“Wait, don’t leave me.”

Braska didn’t turn and he didn’t stop. He walked away from Auron and away from the campsite. As he walked away tears formed in the corners of his eyes, and he couldn’t let Auron see those. Tonight he needed to be alone.

Jecht looked up as Braska stormed past him. Jecht didn’t even have the chance to ask where he was going before Braska had vanished into the solitude of the forest. Jecht looked over toward Auron who was now sitting on the ground with his knees drawn up to his chest and his head buried in his hands.

Never thought I’d see him cry; I guess he’s human after all.

Jecht thought about going over to Auron, but decided he didn’t want anything sharp and hard to come in contact with his skull. And so he watched from a distance as the sound of Auron’s sobs carried across the campsite.

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When Braska finally returned he found that Auron hadn’t moved from where he’d left him, nor had he quieted. Braska shook his head; 2 hours and Auron was still crying.

“God, you’re still at it?”

Braska rubbed his temples and sighed heavily.

“I’m going to bed now Auron, guess I’ll be sleeping alone.”

Braska did his best to ignore the increasing whimpers and laid down on his blanket. No matter how hard he tried, Braska couldn’t block out Auron. He even tried covering his head and plugging his ears but it didn’t work. Finally he sat up and looked at Auron.

“Will you shut up already!”

Braska knew that his words were hurting Auron, and it broke his heart to say them; but he couldn’t keep giving in. He wasn’t going to be with Auron forever and the young man would have to learn to deal on his own. It was time for him to grow up and find his own path.

Braska huffed and flopped back down on the blanket. Jecht stood up and made to walk toward Auron.

“Jecht, leave him alone.”

“How can you just ignore that?”

“Believe me it’s not easy.”

“Don’t you think you’re being a bit cold? Seems to me he could really use you right now.”

“He’s going to have to deal. I can’t be there for him much longer and he’s going to have to get used to it.”

Jecht paused for a minute and then came to a decision. He picked up the empty blanket from the ground near Braska and walked toward Auron.

“Where are you going?”

“Maybe you can sit there and watch him like that, but I can’t, not anymore.”

“Fine.”

Braska rolled over and buried his head under his pillow.

Jecht stood silent and looked down at Auron as his mind worked over what he was going to say. For a moment he considered turning back around and leaving Auron there, he was no good at these things. But still…damn. Finally Jecht found his nerve and he draped the blanket over Auron’s shoulders and sat down next to him.

“So…you wanna talk about it?”

“Go away.”

“Look Auron, you’re not making things any easier on Braska. This isn’t easy for him either.”

“Leave me alone.”

“You can’t follow Braska around all your life. What are you gonna do when he’s gone? Commit suicide?”

The thought had crossed his mind.

“You know that’s not what he wants.”

“Why won’t you leave me alone?”

“Because, you don’t want to be alone do you.”

Auron started, he had been caught. Jecht had read him perfectly; not that he was all that hard to read at the moment. Finally he spoke.

“You don’t know anything.”

“True, maybe I don’t, but I do know what you’re going through.”

“How could you possibly know?”

“I know you don’t think much of me, Auron, but I do know some things. I know what it’s like to lose someone close to you; I left two of them behind in whatever world I came from. I know how hard it is, but we both have to move on, and maybe, just maybe, we can find someone else to help us make it through it.”

“I don’t want to find someone else, I want Braska.”

“Well, that just can’t be. So you’re going to have to grow up and accept it.”

“I don’t need a lecture from you, Jecht.”

“True, you don’t. Maybe what you need is this:”

Jecht took Auron’s face in his hand, and before the other man could even react, leaned in and pressed a deep, passionate, and desperate kiss to his lips. Auron was stunned, too stunned to move, to react, or even to think. Jecht wasn’t waiting for a reply. He had already moved his hand to Auron’s waist and unbuckled the belt that held his coat together.

Auron felt Jecht’s cold hand against his flesh and it snapped his senses back to him. No! This was wrong; he loved Braska, not Jecht. He put his hands on Jecht’s shoulders and roughly pushed him away then scrambled to his feet. He stood panting with a terrified look in his eyes and his coat now hanging wide open. Then without a word he snatched his belt from the ground and ran.

For a moment Jecht considered running after Auron, but soon thought better of it. Auron was long gone by now and it would be nearly impossible to find him in the forest at night. Jecht flopped onto his back and sighed.

“Shit…great Jecht, just great, real smooth.”

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Braska woke up that morning relieved to hear silence.

“Good, he must have finally stopped.”

But when Braska looked up, Auron was nowhere to be found and the only one he saw was Jecht.

“Oh no—“

Braska leapt to his feet and ran over to Jecht and roughly shook him awake.

“Jecht, where’s Auron? Jecht!”

Jecht opened his eyes to see a very worried Braska and heard the frantic question.

“Jecht, where is Auron?!”

“I dunno. He ran off by himself last night. You mean he hasn’t come back yet?”

“What?! You let him go off alone?!”

“Yeah, was that wrong?”

“Damn it! There’s no telling what he might do in his state.”

“Huh? You don’t think he would--“

“I don’t know, but we have to find him. Which way did he go?”

“That way I think.”

Braska ran off in the direction Jecht had pointed on a frantic search for the young guardian.

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“Auron? Auron! AURON!”

Braska had been searching nearly an hour and still hadn’t found Auron.

“Damn it, I swear when I get my hands on him—“

Something red caught Braska’s eye. He turned into the small clearing and saw Auron’s red coat lying on the ground. He looked further into the clearing to see the figure leaning against the tree and registered it as Auron. He had found him, finally.

Auron sat with his back against the tree, his legs drawn up, and his head resting on his knees. He had discarded his coat, shirt, glove, and bracers in the center of the clearing and was bare from the waist up.

“Auron!”

Auron stirred and looked up at Braska. All of Braska’s anger vanished in a flood of relief and he ran to Auron’s side.

“Thank god you’re alright.”

Braska wrapped his arms around Auron and hugged him for all he was worth, until he remembered that he was mad at him. As relieved as Braska was to see him, he wasn’t about to let Auron off the hook for this one. Braska seized Auron by both sides of his face and forced those russet eyes to look at him.

“Don’t you ever scare me like that again, you insensitive ass. What the hell were you thinking?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing, I’m just glad you’re safe. But don’t you EVER do this again. Understood?”

“Yes sir.”

Braska moved to embrace Auron again and then started when something cold and metal touched his leg. He looked down to see a small blood-stained dagger lying on the ground. He sighed and picked up the dagger then looked at Auron.

“Auron, what were you doing with this?”

Auron didn’t answer; he just ducked his head and turned away. And he didn’t need to answer. Braska saw the blood on Auron’s hands, arms, and chest and knew immediately what he had done. It was the same thing he always did when he got like this and Braska hated it.

“Auron, you know I hate it when you do this.”

“I know.”

“Then why do you do it?”

Auron just shrugged. Braska sighed and put the dagger in his pocket making a silent note to keep it away from Auron in the future. Braska didn’t want to fight about it and so he just knelt and tended to the cuts that Auron had inflicted on himself.

Braska worked in silence as Auron watched him. When he had finished, Braska sat next to Auron and wrapped his arms around Auron who instinctively curled up against him.

And so here was again holding Auron. His plan had failed and Auron was still no closer to letting go. But at this point, Braska didn’t care. If this was the way Auron was going to react it wasn’t worth trying to force him. He would just have to come around in his own time and learn to accept it in his own way.

Quitting the pilgrimage was out of the question. No matter how much it hurt Auron and no matter how much it broke his own heart, he couldn’t turn back. If he wanted Auron and Yuna to live on, he had to make this sacrifice for them. His mind was set and he would not turn, no matter how much Auron begged him.

Still he worried about the man he was leaving behind. Every step brought them closer to Zanarkand and every day his own death drew nearer. When that day finally came he had no idea what it would do to Auron. He pushed the thought from his mind and tried not to think about it. Eventually Braska would have to say goodbye and Auron would have to come to terms with it. But until that day, Braska would just hold the young man and treasure every fleeting moment they had left.

Braska felt Auron shift against his chest and it pulled him from his thoughts. He looked down and smiled at the man resting in his embrace. The brushing a few strands of hair from Auron’s eyes, he leaned over and gently kissed his forehead.

“I love you.”

--end--